I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
