apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
