bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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