I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
