i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on