i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!