I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wanna be euthanized