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• (818): View more from California

  Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.

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• (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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• (949): View more from California

  My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian

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• (310): View more from California

  Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard

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• (850): View more from Florida

  He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?

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