meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
4 words: hood of his car
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
