i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
