The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
