so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
