mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
