So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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