I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
