The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize