Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
