is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
