Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
