Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
