Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
