Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
