I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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