you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
