Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
