My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
