I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
