i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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