I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
