Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
