I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
