oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
