I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
