i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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