i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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