I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
