the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
