One girl and one boy is just not enough.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
