You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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