How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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