why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
