the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
