FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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