that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
