i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
