I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
