Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She bit a glass in half.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
