Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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