He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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