Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
