DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
