Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
