Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
