Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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