My sheets look like a crime scene.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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