He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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