what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
