Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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