where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
