Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
