oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
