i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
