Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
