piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
