yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
