Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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