They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize