Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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