The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
