HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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