Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
