He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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