our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
