My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
