Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
