new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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