Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
