We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
