You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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