i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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