You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
