Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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