i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
