Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
