he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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