If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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