Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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