Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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